The Case for Spirituality

The first few weeks after my diagnosis were the darkest days and nights of my life. I had been having a spiritual crisis for a good part of the past decade so it wasn't exactly easy for me to turn to God during my darkest hours. But really all I wanted to do was pray and meditate. My beloved father-in-law, who fought in Korea, always says that there are no atheists in foxholes. He says that during the most extreme combat conditions, there is always--without exception--an invocation of God. And so I entered what I thought would be the biggest fight of my life with a "hello again!" to my spiritual foundation and beliefs.

I know that God is very controversial right now (and really has been forever!) But our pact at the beginning of all this was to: Assume Nothing. Question Everything. So I suggest you figure out what you believe at your very core and stick with it--whatever that may be.

I was diagnosed in early August, had surgery in September and started chemotherapy right after my birthday in October. During that entire time, I was also being treated by my naturopath. In addition, I had also begun to see an acupuncturist and a body worker. After I had recovered from my surgery, it was time for me to embark upon chemo. While I had gone fearlessly into surgery, something told me to fear chemo. I felt like that was the point of no return. That I would be so damaged after chemotherapy that I could never be the "healthy" person that I had been before. I sometimes even had this fear that my body would be too weak to handle chemo and that I would drop dead in the middle of one of the treatments. Also, the three real live people I knew who had battled cancer and won had all eschewed chemo and radiation (technically my aunt with the non-Hodgkin's lymphoma wasn't given the choice).

My naturopath is an amazing man. He never tells you directly NOT to do something. What he always advises you to do instead is: (1) not make a decision based on fear; and (2) always do independent investigation of the truth.

Despite what people say, it takes an incredible amount of courage to decide against chemo and radiation, and go the alternative route. In your moment of greatest desperation, you do not want to be a trailblazer. You just want the tried, true and tested because there is no consolation prize. People often live or die by these decisions. The medical community for the most part does its best to put the fear of God into you when it comes to trying alternative healthcare. I saw a lot of eye rolling, and heard a lot of exasperated sighs and patronizing explanations of how if it worked, we would all know about it. I do not believe this to be true necessarily. I was never a conspiracy theorist but I have read a lot of factual accounts of how money and greed have thwarted, buried, sidelined ... and ultimately prevailed. (I intend to devote an entire post to the Stevia/Nutrasweet story.)

In the end, my personal decision was to undergo chemotherapy and radiation. I tried my best not to make that decision based on fear. My reasoning was that I was young, healthy and aware. My tumor was large and advanced, and I would need the heavy artillery that chemo and radiation would provide, even at the potential expense of other parts of my body. And because I was being well cared for by my naturopath, I would be in the best position to undo or minimize the damage that was being caused to my body. This choice has served me well.

A quote that resonated with me: "Resort ye, in times of sickness, to competent physicians; We have not set aside the use of material means, rather have We confirmed it through this Pen, which God hath made to be the Dawning-place of His shining and glorious Cause."